


Chasing Rabbits

by weepingalpacafuneral



Category: Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: But like in a horribly roundabout way that involves crime fighting, Especially confronted with situations that require his Dadness, Logan is a Dad, Logan is grumpy, Logan makes grumpy villager noises, Multi, Peter Parker is awkward, Peter Parker is horrible at communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23625070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weepingalpacafuneral/pseuds/weepingalpacafuneral
Summary: White Rabbit has decided that she's going to be one of Spiderman's default villains, and Peter asks for help dealing with her.  He gets a grumpy Logan and a pissed Black Cat.  Featuring Ned, MJ, and Peter being 18 and bad at intrapersonal communication.
Relationships: Felicia Hardy & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Ned Leeds/Peter Parker, Past Felicia Hardy/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Chasing Rabbits

**Author's Note:**

> Text message abbreviations in order of appearence:
> 
> PP - Peter Parker  
> NR - Natasha Romanov  
> NL - Ned Leeds

PP: Do you know a White Rabbit? She keeps showing up when I'm patrolling and I don't know if she's my villain or not.

NR: I'll let Logan know, he's dealt with her, I think.

\--

"Logan, the Easter Bunny is back and she's bothering Spiderman. I know she's not technically your villain, but the rest of his back up team is indisposed and he asked if anyone  
"Get Deadpool."  
"He's on a job. Some multiverse thing."  
"Fine, get the Catholic motherfucker from Hell's Kitchen."  
"Out of commission."  
"Hrmph."  
"That was his back up team, by the way."  
"Then you do it, or Hawkeye."  
"Both Hawkeyes are out west, and I'm taking a break from ridiculous criminals."  
"Hrmmph."  
"Honestly, Logan, White Rabbit sounds right up your alley. Reminds me of your nineties villains, but less edgy and more holiday themed."  
"Hrrmmmph. Fine, I'll help the kid. But I'm not messing with any mentoring shit."  
"Logan, you have like three children."  
"Clones. All of them. Fuckin' clones. N' Laura n' Daken ain't kids. And the X-Men can deal with their own shit when push comes to fuckin' shove."  
"Thank you, Logan."  
"Not a problem, Nat. Got enough life debts to each other already, n' neither of us are plannin' on dyin' anytime soon."

\--

PP: SHE HAS KNIFE CARROTS, NED  
PP: KNIFE CARROTS

NL: Did you talk to the Widow?

PP: Yes

NL: And what did she say?

PP: That she'd talk to Logan  
PP: Or Wolverine

NL: You're on a first name basis with Wolverine??

PP: Not really he just goes by Logan  
PP: Something about his clone/daughter/niece taking over as Wolverine for a while? Idrk

NL: Why does Wolverine know the rabbit lady anyways? 

PP: You overestimate my knowlege of superheroes and their respective villains

NL: You are a superhero

PP: Shhh

\--

A short, grumpy looking man with a beard that looked aggressively unstyled, but still very nice stopped at the edge of the roof. He was just wearing a leather jacket and jeans. Peter had thought he would have met Wolverine, the one that he met in passing when working with the X-Men or the Avengers, and he felt slightly overdressed in his Spiderman suit.  
"Rabbit's giving' you shit, kid?"  
"Uhm, yeah. She has knife carrots." Logan chuckled.  
"Had a carrot sword last time we met. Nice to see she's branching out, I guess."  
"She threw the sword at you?"  
"Yep." Peter grimaced.  
"Anyone else 'round here knows 'bout her?"  
"Uhm, I don't think so, but I can't be sure. She makes a lot of noise. And she leaves carrot knives behind."  
It was Logan's turn to grimace, surveying the alleys below before turning to Peter.  
"Hey, kid, you still hangin' around-"  
"Spiderman, you goddamn asshole." The eyes on Peter's mask flared in surprise. His spider sense hadn't triggered. Standing in front of him was Black Cat, and boy howdy she was pissed.  
“Cat?"  
"Spidey, why did I have to hear from Hellcat that you were dealing with the Easter Bunny?"  
"Kid, you didn't know about..." Logan trailed off, gesturing to Black Cat vaguely.  
"Nice to see you again too, Logan. Been a while since the fucking murder island."  
"I am so confused."  
Logan groaned and shook his head. "Can't fuckin' take you anywhere. Fucking Honey Badger has more sense than you and she's like, twelve." Turning to Peter, he gestured to Black Cat and recounted their history with White Rabbit. It involved being kidnapped by White Rabbit, waking up on a Murderworld in the South Pacific, being hunted for sport, defeating said hunters, and almost getting blown up.  
"I hadn't heard of White Rabbit before she started making trouble in Queens, and I certainly didn't know you had a... history." Peter's response, Felicia looked stunned.  
"You absolute ass, we were dating when I was fucking kidnapped, I cannot believe- Oh wait, yes, I can, because you are so selfish and egocentric with personal relationships, and Jesus Christ, would it have bothered you to notice that your girlfriend, and barring that, your friend and occasional vigalante team up, was missing for 3 fucking weeks-" Tuning out of Black Cat's rant, Logan sideeyed Peter before shrugging.  
"You did not notice she was missing for 3 weeks."  
"I thought that the absence was her dumping me!"  
"Wow. That is... wow. Still a shitty thing to do, though."  
Black Cat had finished her rant and was glaring at Peter, but she turned to Logan once she started speaking.  
"You helping him?"  
"Yeah. Widow called me up since I've dealt with the Rabbit before."  
Felicia appraised Peter skeptically. "A goddamn legal adult and Mama Spider had to help you to take out the trash." She scoffed before turning back to Logan.  
"He can handle White Rabbit himself. He's not 14 anymore, and a D-list former mob boss isn't going to give him trouble."  
Peter sputtered that it was his 18th birthday a week ago and that was a harsh appraisal of his skill, but Felicia just laughed.  
"Ask the Devil for more lessons if you're having trouble. Or do it your fucking self. It worked alright for me."  
Logan whispered to ask how old Black Cat was, and she answered for Peter. "Year older than him. Started about the same time too."  
"Damn, kid. You really got friends who can handle themselves." The smile Black Cat flashed Logan in response was full of teeth and a challenge.  
Ignoring Peter, Felicia turned to Logan and they caught up on the comings and goings of the wider vigilante community.  
"You seen Elektra? I got a couple of artifacts from the Hand that she might be interested in."  
"Still in Japan. Should probably make sure she hasn't resurrected any cults that want me dead some time, but Ronin and Sunfire are holding the fort down over there, and she plays nice with the Devil when she's stateside."  
Their conversation fading into the distance, Peter swung out into the city to find White Rabbit. 

\--

PP: Ned, I think I have another rouge

NL: Oh my god did the Easter Bunny claim you as her designated hero??

PP: No  
PP: Worse

NL: I'm in suspense

PP: So remember when I was dating Black Cat

NL: Yes

PP: So remember when she disappeared for like 3 weeks? and I thought she dumped me?

NL: Yes  
NL: I don't like where this is going

PP: So it turns out that White Rabbit kidnapped her and Logan and had them hunted for sport in the South Pacific

NL: No  
NL: You aren't serious

PP: So she kind of showed up and told Logan I could handle White Rabbit on my own  
PP: And now I have a new rouge, I guess

NL: Peter, you asshole, oh my god  
NL: If I went missing for 3 weeks, would you think that I dumped you?

PP: You aren't a vigilante cat burglar!  
PP: You're a internationally noted coder and computer scientist and my partner!  
PP: And also MJ would kill you if you vanished for 3 weeks with no warning

NL: Damn right she would  
NL: Peter...  
NL: You have to tell MJ, this is hilarious

PP: Noooo she'll kill me  
PP: Or worse she'll be disappointed in me

NL: I'm sorry Peter, but I love both of you equally and I fear MJ more than you

\--

After Peter had caught White Rabbit, which had taken a few days and a speed reading of Alice and Wonderland, a Lewis Carrol themed amusement park on acid, and approximately 74 carrot knives thrown with the intent to injure, seriously injure, and maim, Felicia had dropped in the window of his room and had sat, perched on the window sill, as they talked.  
She hadn't forgiven him, and Peter could deal with that. It was a shitty, dickish thing that he had done, and Peter didn't deserve to be forgiven. They were still allies, she said. Peter had added a sheepish "And friends?" after she'd said that, and she fell silent.  
"We'll see." With that, she left, flipping out of his window and onto the roof.

**Author's Note:**

> Logan and Black Cat's incident with White Rabbit is from Claws, which was a short series where they got kidnapped by White Rabbit and Arcade and were hunted for sport on a Murderworld in the South Pacific.


End file.
